If You’re Tired of Holding On This is For You

You’ve reached life this far. Well done!

Like a stack of playing cards, I saw my emotions - all piled up one after another - constructed like a building. Imagine how delicate it is but it was never destroyed yet. One single blow and it will all shatter on the floor. 

Somebody out there is keeping it all together, saving it from being blown. He’s been retaining its balance because I can’t do it on my own. He’s keeping an eye on it from up above, so it can not be overthrown. 

I know how it feels like when you’re already tired of everything and any moment now you’re about to collapse. You go to sleep at night feeling all worn-out and you wake up in the morning still exhausted. Like every single day is another emotional torment. I don’t know what you’re dealing with right now. Maybe you’re tired of waiting for something grand to happen and you feel like your life is not even moving an inch. Maybe you’ve gone weary because of some adjustments happening so far. Maybe you’re exhausted of doing things you’re not happy with. Maybe you’re drained of all the emotions because of some failed relationships. Maybe you’re consumed of thinking ways how to pay your debts. Maybe you’re all fed up because of the problems at home. Maybe it’s a mishmash of some of these and maybe there’s more of it. 

Even with all those problems that keeps adding and adding on the stack of your emotional cards, you still manage to choose to wake up today and continue holding on. 

You achieved to walk in to that Calculus class. You accomplished your tasks at work. You succeeded to obey your parents. You’re able to face life with all the broken pieces. You survived another day of “do this and do that”. You get by with a smile because you don’t want anyone to see those tears on your cheeks. You controlled your temper. You handled another irate customer. And for that alone, you had my respect because you are doing well.

I am grateful because you hand me over those things I bought in your store despite of how tired your body was.

I am grateful because you managed to drive me home safely with your “sikad” while wiping those sweat away from your face.

I am grateful because you gave the change with a smile even if your feet were so fired up from standing whole day.

I am grateful because you entertained me well and served correctly what I ordered, despite the long queue of customers who were also waiting.

I am grateful because you allowed me to see how determined you are to finish your tasks on time even if it was supposed to be a group presentation and you’re working it all alone. 

I am grateful because you managed to send me a reply on Messenger. Sending me a "Like" sticker is already enough. Knowing that you opened my message is more than enough. A little of your time means a lot.

Well done! 

If you’ve been doing great today, I know you can too for tomorrow. Here, let me quote what Paco Laranñaga said in that documentary video I just watched earlier today, he said “If you want to give up, give up tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, give up tomorrow.”

I know how it feels like when you like someone who’s actually within your reach but you suddenly take a step backward because you’re just afraid.

I know how it feels like when you really wanted to punch someone in the face because of how ruthless they are but you gave a warm smile instead and stayed out of trouble.

I know how it feels like when you’re so happy spending time with your friends and when you went home, everything that you felt is the exact opposite. Miserable. And you’re all alone in your room, feeling melancholic.

I know how it feels like when you’ve been betrayed by someone whom you thought would do it the least to you. 

I know how it feels like when you’ve been disappointed with a lot of things that is not happening in ways you want it to.

I know how it feels like being cheated.

I know how it feels like when someone you care a lot is no longer there in your life. No traces of their scent. Not being able to feel their presence.

I know how it feels like to have a terrifying day because a series of unfortunate events happened.

I know how it feels like when your temper is about to explode but you choose to remain calm because it's your boss and you don't want to loose a job. Not with all the pending bills.

I’m telling you that you’re doing great so far. And when the time comes that you can no longer keep it together, like you’re finally at the edge of your limits and you wanted to surrender, I want you to know that it’s okay to let it all out. It’s okay to destroy that stack of cards and let it be blown away. Fall on your knees and pray. He’s always listening.

I honor you for staying strong for so long. 

It’s not that easy. It never was. And I will honor you more if you can manage to pick it all up and start building your tower of emotions again. One card at a time. Life doesn’t end there. There will be more struggles to overcome. But at least, you know you can manage to keep it going. And you will continue to move forward after that strong blow.

Start building that stack of emotion cards again. But this time, do it with joy. Don’t focus too much on how painful dealing your emotions is. But start seeing it as something you can be proud of. You will be able to create another pile of emotions that when being blown away, others will see it swaying in the wind, dancing in a melody of comfort, and swirling softly at the tune of the wind’s solace.

So, if you’re tired of holding on for too long: You’ve reached life this far. Well done!

✏

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MALIPAYONG JOSEFINA

@happyemzey

(follow on facebook, twitter and instagram)

To God be all the glory and praise.