Dearest Little Sister

     I have always loved you.

    But maybe you’ll answer me back with a question, “How have you shown your love for me, Ate?”

    And I fully understand if you question my love for you, both of us know why. Because our past says so.

     I admit, I am not the “caring big sister” to you, not until today I guess. And if we look back in time, I was really horrible. I have drowned you with tears many times. You wept and wailed countlessly because I always pissed you off and made you suffer, up to a point that you’ve hated me so much. 

   “She was crying, but she looked up to heaven because she trusted the Lord.” (Susanna 35), and I always admire you for this, your faith also inspires me to do the same.

     But it really brakes my heart every time you got scolded by our parents, and your emotions were misunderstood by them. All those times you thought no one was there on your side, well I was actually there silently praying to God, that He’ll give you the strength and comfort you needed. Because I can’t give them during those times. All I know is, God can.

     It aches me to see your pains. Sorry for giving additional weight on your heavy baggage.

     Forgive me. I did not listen to that little girl inside me, saying that I should love you more because you are a blessing from the Heaven above. I was also blinded and my view was really clouded. I was also full of hatred way back. I have not yet known Jesus in my life before.

    God has given you to me because we were supposed to be partners – looking after each other, growing up together. Be the best friend to each other. Be the light in each of our darkest. But I failed the Lord and wasted so many years by not fulfilling the promise. We would have started our sibling goals early. I apologize for causing too much delays.

   I am sorry for all the pains that I’ve caused because of my own weaknesses. I did not know any better before.

     I am not showy with my emotions, not a very loving person either. But I am always praying to God that He’ll teach me how. I ask Him to make me a channel of His love, to always enroll me in His course of Humility, Passion and Forgiveness. Because I still fail during His examinations. 

    I know it’s not too late to become your super, mega, ultra, power human friend.

    Now, I honestly want to do my role as your “Ate”. Again, with Jesus Christ.

    Please know that we’re all in this together - from struggling to rise up, to failing again, and rising up again.

   Let’s be broken together. You and I know how painful our journey is, but we both love this family anyway. And the pains have taught us very well to keep pushing until something moves, and keep praying until something happens.

     I honor you for being brave all this time.

  I pray that may you always have the strength to keep moving forward, all the way to our heavenly home. And share that strength to me in my moments of confusion. Let us gaze upon Jesus’ face together. 

     No matter how loud I scream my love for you, in the end, God’s love will always be your most beautiful experience here on Earth. This is the only love that will surely last forever. God loves you so much.

   P.S. Dearest little sister, God is now pulling up what He has planted in you. Rejoice!